Love Is Created

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By Josie McEwen- Romance Coach Specialist

Love does not just spontaneously happen - love is created.

It’s important to evaluate our marriages regularly – asking, “How are we creating love, and what are we doing or not doing that’s destroying the love we once had?” When you were dating your spouse and fell in love, it did not just happen from one individual thing, right?  It was the continual, small and simple -- and maybe some big things -- that created your love and the longing to be together.  So it is in marriage; it is the continual, small and also sometimes big acts of showing your love on a continual basis.  

Although life gets super busy and the continual effort of working on your marriage may get pushed to the side, recommitting to being intentional and creating love continually is crucial to the survival of your marriage and love.  You may be thinking, "But how do I continually create and build upon the love that we’ve created?"   

My favorite way to create more love is to focus on speaking my spouse’s love languages.  It is really hard to communicate when you are both speaking different languages, right?  We all receive and give love in different ways, which are called love languages.  If you have not heard of the love languages, I would highly recommend reading Gary Chapman’s book, The Five Love Languages of Love. You can also take a free online quiz athttp://www.5lovelanguages.com/to learn both of your love languages.

Once you know what your different love languages are, you can talk with each other about how you can both create more ways to love each other using each of your specific love languages.   For example, some people really feel loved through physical touch, others through giftswords of affirmationquality time and acts of service.  And in my opinion, there is one more that is not in his book and that is loving through romance. That is definitely my love language! :) 

 Knowing my spouse’s love language has been a game changer in our marriage and has helped us connect in ways that are meaningful to both of us!  It was not always that way though. When we were first married, I found that I absolutely loved giving thoughtful and romantic gifts to my hubby, thinking he would love it as well. Come to find out, after several weeks of feeling frustrated with each other, I realized I was trying to love him how I wanted to be loved, but not how he received love for himself.  

We were speaking different love languages!  I found out that he does not really even like gifts, but instead feels loved through acts of service like when I make dinner, cleaned up the house or other things like that.  We also talked about my love languages and how he could do more little things to meet my love language of physical touch, like kissing me before he goes to work, small hugs and so forth. 

It is it is not always easy or comfortable to perform love languages that are not your own,  but is very worth it.  This one thing alone can help you continually create more love and more connection in your marriage.  Here are some simple romantic tips that could have a big impact for creating more love for your marriage:

  • Sending flirty texts and inside jokes throughout the day through texts with them. (Words of Affirmation)

  • Bring home a treat that you know they love (Gifts)

  • Arrange a baby sitter and surprise them with a night out together to their favorite place (Quality Time)

  • Do one of their usual chores as a surprise for them. (Acts of Service)

  • Give them a 15-second passionate kiss as they are leaving and coming home.(Physical Touch)

If you need some more ideas of how to speak your spouse’s love language, check me out on Instagram @romanceenhanced or FaceBook https://www.facebook.com/groups/175469696333163/ where I give simple and easy tips daily to help you focus on creating more love in your marriage based on the five love languages. You can also find a lot of great tips for the Love Language of Romance there as well.

Romance can also help you connect and re-connect as a couple again!

When it comes to romance in a marriage, there is a wide range from "I am not romantic" to "hopelessly romantic" and everywhere in between.  My hope is that where ever you are on that scale, I can help you see the benefits of creating more romance and love in your marriage.

Here are some keys to remember:

  • Romance does not have to be difficult or elaborate. It is often the simple things that mean the most in a relationship.  Being intentional and creating romance in your marriage also helps your spouse to remember and rekindle those feelings of love that you already created together.  

  • Romance can bring the flirty, foreplay side out in both of you again.  

  • Romance can also reignite that spark and fun back into your marriage.  

  • Romance can help you remember why you fell in love in the first place.

If you are one who has no idea what things are considered romantic or maybe you need some help getting started with ideas, please check out www.romanceenhanced.com. As a Romance Coach, I would love to help you come up with some ideas and gifts to help you create more romance and love in your marriage.  

Arlene Malone